two lovers

I think we were lovers, so you said
after all these three months I have been wondering what I meant to you
thank you dear, really
it means a lot to me

maybe we met at the wrong time
maybe we are too far away from each other to start a relationship
I don't know, there could be so many reasons
that's how life is like
sometimes we only can go with it instead of asking why
in fact, you saved me from myself
I didn't know until now that I wasn't ready for anything

I am happy that we can talk and make fun of each other still
maybe you will finally open yourself to me one day, I hope

a day like this

how come I can still remember exactly the day a year ago since I never keep a diary?
I was standing in the rain, waiting for the bus and texting you

the sky looks the same, grey and drizzling
I feel the same, blue and twisted

the only thing has been changed is us
which I hope the same but will never be the same

another girl

another sleepless night, I found another girl who suffered from the same pain like I do.
I couldn't agree more with what she wrote in her blog.
"I think I can never understand him. He always mysterised himself." she said.
I used to think the same way, somehow I started to see you clearly little by little.

unlike what you said about yourself, you actually are a person with jealousy and suspicion.
but you are just too proud to admit that.
most people have their burden from their family, their past.
but you just don't know how to let it go and learn to trust again.
you are so afraid of getting hurt, but that doesn't give you the right to hurt other people, including me.

I never want to hate those I used to love/like, even though they hurt me once.
I know I said we better be friends, but when I can truly see you just as a friend?

heeeeeello it's fish

fish, a name called only by you,
like a secret code exists between us.
everytime when you call me that,
it always brings me back to the time we had,
one of the very few moments I felt happy in that period.
I will never forget the birthday present you gave me in 2008.
you make me realise that some memories are beautiful and unforgettable
becasue they live with some impefection.
hope to see you soon someday bobble!

sigh.....

I am hurt, though I have been trying to pretend that I am alright.
everyday, every second, you are just like a virus, slipping into my head and damaging my mind.
rationally thinking over it, it's really not worth wasting my time mourning for you.
I just don't understand myself why I am so drawn to you.
even after I found you may not be as decent and honest as I thought you were.

I thought you were different from others.
I thought we were different from my past.
I thought I had repeated enough my mistakes.
yet still, it turns out to be another deja vu again.
I just followed my heart and tried to pursue my happiness.
(which is proved to be a dangerous behaviour!)
god knows for that, I was called a bitch sleeping around.
ha! sounds ironically familiar!

why oh why?
is it because you are just like most of men or my own problem?
am I really attracted to those with problems?
am I just too lonely that I take whoever comes around? (aaahhh....I hope not!)
do I really trust people way too easily?
I hope I can learn from my mistakes and never repeat it again.
but I start to fear this is my pattern, my trait of life. (damn! when did I become so passive!?)
god! I really need to pull myself out of all this shit!