sigh.....

I am hurt, though I have been trying to pretend that I am alright.
everyday, every second, you are just like a virus, slipping into my head and damaging my mind.
rationally thinking over it, it's really not worth wasting my time mourning for you.
I just don't understand myself why I am so drawn to you.
even after I found you may not be as decent and honest as I thought you were.

I thought you were different from others.
I thought we were different from my past.
I thought I had repeated enough my mistakes.
yet still, it turns out to be another deja vu again.
I just followed my heart and tried to pursue my happiness.
(which is proved to be a dangerous behaviour!)
god knows for that, I was called a bitch sleeping around.
ha! sounds ironically familiar!

why oh why?
is it because you are just like most of men or my own problem?
am I really attracted to those with problems?
am I just too lonely that I take whoever comes around? (aaahhh....I hope not!)
do I really trust people way too easily?
I hope I can learn from my mistakes and never repeat it again.
but I start to fear this is my pattern, my trait of life. (damn! when did I become so passive!?)
god! I really need to pull myself out of all this shit!